Monday, 26 December 2016

It's That Time of Year Again

I'm usually pretty rubbish at self-reflection. I'm far too critical, even hyper-critical, of myself that I struggle to find something positive to say or an achievement worth celebrating and the whole thing ends up as a wail of despair. I wear reverse blinkers so I can see everyone else's achievements but am blind to my own. Yet I know it is a skill I should have learned by now and something that I ought to be able to do as an adult.

This year however I feel as if there is something that I genuinely want to celebrate. This year I won at NaNoWriMo and that is a first for me. I have written about winning in an earlier post so I won't bore you with the same old stuff but I do feel the need to look back at that as a major achievement of 2016.

The point is though that I want to have many more of those achievements next year. I want to have lots to celebrate when 2017 draws to a close. So I have to make these things happen. I know that stuff doesn't fall into my lap, the gods don't shower things down on me so it is up to me to make it happen. I have made plans to improve my blog with more and varied posts; I have planned how I will bring the novel to publication next year; I want to embrace new opportunities rather than always saying 'no'.

All this is going to take me outside my comfort zone. I need to be brave - and that's not me at all! But if I want to have plenty to reflect on in 12 months I need to make it happen. I'm in control of how this next year pans out and nobody else will be to blame if it drifts past without much to get excited about. So for the first time in many years (if ever) I am looking forward to a packed and exciting year ahead. And if I'm honest that scares me a little. I'm one of life's plodders and I don't go out of my way to seek excitement.

I'm also aware that writing it all down isn't the same as doing it. I'm a past master at good intentions that amount to nothing. This is my default position - think about it, decide to do it, think again and put it off/cancel it. That's why I struggle to think of things worth celebrating or mentioning when I reflect on the past year. I need to push past my reluctance to get out and do stuff, my reluctance to grab chances and see them as opportunities to do interesting things rather than opportunities for the Universe to kick me in the teeth. I need to be braver and more accepting of the good things that may/will come my way if I seek them out.

Wish me luck as I try things out and go against my anxious nature.

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