Sunday, 27 August 2017

Message from the other side?

Last night I had an interesting dream.

I dreamt that I was looking for a new house. I went to an exhibition showcasing new build houses and found just the one I wanted. It was a town house in a little cul-de-sac with a plunge pool and access to a boating lake. I signed on the proverbial dotted line and started to choose paints, curtains and kitchen fittings.

Now several things struck me as odd when I woke up. Firstly I have no desire to move at all. I am more than happy in my messy, chaotic little home and I don't need the stress. Secondly, as a non swimmer and boating loather, why would I need the pool and row boat?

But as the morning wore on I started to wonder if this was a message from my subconscious. Although why she can't be a bit less obtuse I don't know. Maybe it's a message to mentally sort out my shit. To move into a new mind set (house) and embrace some new challenges (boats?!?)

I may be reading far too much into this but it's an interesting idea.

So do I pack all my mental baggage into boxes and move on? Or do I stay where I am, where it's cosy and familiar?

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Thank you for being patient.

It's been a while since I've written anything on here and for that I am sorry. Sorry for me as a writer because it is an indication of how difficult these past few months have been and how that took me by total surprise. After all, I'm one of life's copers. I'm also sorry for you out there in Internet land, popping by every now and then to see if I've written anything new and going away empty handed time after time.

I have found the recovery from my surgery to be a two fold thing. Physically I am well on the mend, only the occasional twinge to remind me that I had the operation. Soon I will have my follow up appointments and I hope to get back to more normal life and get to the gym - my cardio fitness is crap at the moment!

Emotionally? An different beast altogether. I was so sure that the fact my cancer was all removed during the surgery meant that I would have few if any after effects. But sadly that has not been the case. I have felt sad for no reason, low and flat, unable to shake the torpor. Sure signs that I was not functioning well were the lack of interest in reading or writing. I struggled to see the positives in many things, resorting to faking it so as not to upset those around me.

Well now is the time to change all that. As I said, I am seeing the doctors next week and I hope that the news they will give me will shake me out of this mood. I think I need to hear someone say the words before I can bear to believe it. At the moment it's just reassurance from loved ones and friends. I need the white coats to tell me too!

I'm also trying to pamper myself every now and then, just little things like some nice new smellies for the shower. But it all helps so they say and I must confess that stepping out of the shower in a cloud of perfume is good for any girl's soul!

So again, sorry for being so absent. I hope I haven't lost too many readers but I will just have to build up my fan base again!