OK, so I know I am able top get stuff done - we manage to eat everyday and OH gets off to work with lunch and a clean shirt so I'm not totally useless. But there are days when I go to bed struggling to remember what I've actually achieved during the day; not the day to day stuff around the house but the other stuff that I want to do. Things like writing. I want to write more regularly for this blog and for my own personal satisfaction but I'm finding it hard to focus or be organised. I go to bed listing all the things I want to do the next day, then go to bed again having done none of them.
So what are the reasons for this? Why do I struggle to get all the things done that I want to?
I'll admit it, I'm easily distracted. I intend to get cracking on something but then I'll switch the TV on and several hours later I've got nothing done again. I know I should be more disciplined but I have a real weakness for trashy daytime TV - think Jeremy Kyle, Jerry Springer, Judge Rinder - you get the picture.
2. Faffing About.
I can faff for England. moving stuff from one place to another; sorting things into piles; changing the piles that stuff is in; sorting things to go up stairs/to be washed/to be filed etc. The opportunities to faff are endless. All this eats into my time, gets nothing substantial done and leaves me feeling frustrated at the end of the day.
3. Lack of Structure.
I'm a product of the British Education system and as a school student, a college student and then a teacher I'm used to working to a timetable. My working life was dominated by working to a timetable, every minute accounted for and I always knew what I was supposed to be doing and when. I've tried doing some scheduling for myself but so far it hasn't worked. I can subvert it too easily!
Oh yes, at heart I'm just lazy. Given the choice between getting on with stuff or lounging on the sofa with a cuppa watching junk TV and I choose the latter. I know I should be doing something more constructive but the lazy girl in me whispers 'Just 5 more minutes' and I give in every time. I was never blessed with ambition and was always happy to rub along so I've lacked drive. This makes it difficult for me to achieve what I want to and what I know I'm capable of. Laziness is powerful and I need to fight against it!
5. Lack of Self Confidence.
I was also not blessed with a shed load of confidence in myself. So it's all too easy for me to say 'Well, I'm not really any good so what does it matter?' Lack of confidence in me and my writing in particular is just another reason/excuse to do nothing. And if I don't do anything then how will I ever achieve anything? However, as I'm not really any good it doesn't matter, does it? And round and round we go...
So I know the reasons why each day is passing with little achieved.
What are the solutions? Let me sit here and think about that for 5 minutes ... or 10... where's the remote?
I'll get back to you on that.