Plus Size War

Over the past week or so there has been a lot in the media about those of us who are 'plus size'. There has been debate about whether 'plus size' models make good role models for girls and young women; social media has been ablaze with 'plus size' women proclaiming their pride in who they are and with 'fat shaming' of these same women; bloggers have been writing about how hard it is to accept themselves and how they have finally learned to love themselves just the way they are; a radio interview with a 'plus size' model turned nasty, bullying and left the interviewee in tears. It's certainly been eventful!

I've been thinking about this subject myself over the last week. Some of the women I chat to on Twitter have been sharing their thoughts and experiences which has inspired me to do the same.

I am 'plus size' - I put it in quotation marks because I'm not sure if it's a term I want to use but it seems appropriate as it's the one which has been used most during the recent debate. There are many other terms I could have used but let's stick with 'plus size', it's probably the kindest. I have been 'plus size' for most of my adult life and I've learned to live with it. That in itself is revealing - as a 'plus size' woman my size is something to be endured and put up with. I don't feel able to celebrate who I am because of what I am. Life as a 'plus size' woman can be a challenge. I have to think about what I'm going to do carefully - clothes are chosen because they cover the parts of my body that I am ashamed of; there are certain places I avoid going to because I feel uncomfortable being there; there are activities that I don't do because I am too self conscious of how I would look and be perceived.

Looking back over my life I realise that there have been times when I've missed out because of being 'plus size'. I feel that I have put my life on hold at times because it's easier than putting myself out there and risking the judgement of others. And let's not kid ourselves that they don't judge; I certainly judge myself very harshly so I'm under no illusion that others don't do the same to me.

I'm acutely aware at all times that I don't look the way the world thinks I should nor, if I'm honest the way I wish I looked. An example from recent times; I went to a college reunion and was looking forward to catching up with old friends. I had bought two new outfits for the occasion and spent an hour showering, doing my hair and makeup and choosing an outfit to wear. I looked in the mirror after all my preparation and I hated what I saw. I didn't want to be the fat, old woman I saw in the mirror and I didn't want to leave my hotel room and face the world. A self indulgent bout of crying later and I pulled myself together and went to the reunion. But for a short while I felt very sorry for myself, very unhappy and very aware that I don't fit the norms of society.   

I have been horrified at the deeply personal things which have been said about 'plus size' women. If the same things were said about a person with a disability or disfigurement there would be an outcry. But it seems that 'plus size' women are fair game. And it is mainly about women; none of the debate over the last week has touched on the lives of 'plus size' men. The bullying of Callie Thorpe by a radio interviewer on Three Counties Radio was a prime example. She was constantly told that her size was her own fault because she was lazy and greedy. She tried to explain that there were many and varied reasons why women were different sizes but the interviewer just kept shouting her down. I was impressed she kept her calm for as long as she did; I don't think I would have!

So I've decided to try really hard to embrace the woman I am, all of her. It's time to live my life, all of it. It'll be a challenge as I'm so used to doing my best to hide away - I'm so good at it that there isn't even a picture of me on my Twitter page, I've used one of my cats (she is very beautiful though!) My first challenge is to get a picture of myself on Twitter, to finally embrace who I am and acknowledge that the 'plus size' me is an OK girl and she can be seen and heard.   

Word of the Week

After not joining in for a couple of weeks - no one word seemed to sum up my week - I've managed to think of something for the week just gone and that word is ...

unfocused

 

Last week was a wishy washy mess. It, and by extension me, lacked focus. My writing lacked focus and I got little done.  I have been missing The Prompt which has taken a break - come back Sara all is forgiven! I didn't realise how useful I have found Sara's prompt to get me thinking and writing. The scary story I am writing has stalled - I think I know what I want to do with the main character but I'm unsure how to get there. I have intended to re-read something I have written before, looking at picking it up again or adapting it into something useful but I've not done that either.

 

A few weeks ago I started a bullet journal. I was excited to see how useful I would find it after reading/watching loads of people raving about them online. I could see how people with really busy and packed lives would find a bullet journal useful but I thought that my life was too slow paced and frankly boring for it to be of much use. So without really intending to I stopped bullet journalling this week. And guess what? I've had an unfocused, less productive week! Lesson learned and the bullet journal will be back next week, focusing my time and intentions.   

The Prompt - Travel

I wrote this a while ago but thought I'd share it again to fit in with The Prompt. Technically it's less about the travelling than the destination but I think it counts, so there!  

My favourite place on the planet is Florence which I have been lucky enough to visit on two occasions.  It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what I love about it but I’ll try to explain why it means so much to me.

Arriving in Florence isn’t as straight forward as arriving in many major cities.  There is an airport there but most flights arrive in Pisa, 43 miles away.  The easiest way to make the trip is by train.  Pisa airport is typical of modern airports – large, glass and metal, impersonal.  On exiting through huge sliding glass doors you find yourself on the platform of the train station which is a dead-end and looks from a previous time.  There is a machine to dispense tickets and a few benches to perch on while waiting.    

The train journey takes about an hour and the train rumbles sedately through a series of villages and towns on the way to Florence.   Cascina,  Pontedera, Empoli.  At each station a variety of people get on and off – students from the universities of Pisa and Florence, business people returning home, groups of shoppers laden with bags from markets and designer boutiques and, of course travellers like us heading to Florence.  As we pull in to each station I get a small thrill knowing that we are getting closer to our destination and that magical moment when I see the sign saying Firenze on the platform.

Santa Maria Novella station is a contrast to Pisa station.  It is a large bustling station with multiple platforms, booming announcements in rapid Italian and crowds of people rushing to their destination.  On exiting you are in the wonderful city of Florence – well, perhaps not the most wonderful part but Florence nonetheless.

I don’t know the area of Santa Maria Novella well, we tend to rush through it on our way to central Florence butt here is a rather magnificent black and white fascaded church there which I will have to visit one day, especially as it has frescos by one of my favourite Renaissance artists, Filippino Lippi. 

We have been lucky enough to stay close to the Duomo on both our visits.  This masterpiece of Renaissance architecture dominates the city; there are few places in Florence where you can’t get a glimpse of Brunelleschi’s dome.  You can climb the dome and get a fantastic view across Florence – I admit that I haven’t done this but my husband has and the photographs are stunning.  I prefer to wander round the Duomo drinking in the wonderful works of art by Uccello, Donatello, Della Robbia, and Zuccaro.

Florence is a wonderful place for art lovers.  It’s practically impossible to turn a corner without bumping into a beautiful vista, a gorgeous sculpture or some stunning architecture.  I particularly love the Brancacci Chapel in the church of Santa Maria del Carmine.  It has the most stunning frescos by Masaccio and Lippi depicting Biblical scenes.  Now religious imagery isn’t for everyone and there is a lot of it in Florence but these frescos are truly wonderful.  The depiction of pain and loss on the faces of Adam and Eve on being expelled from the Garden of Eden is breathtaking.  The colours on these frescos, which are over 600 years old, are bright and vibrant and the faces are beautifully painted, obviously using contemporaries of the artists as models.  I often wonder how the model felt about being painted as St Peter or Jesus.

There are too many sights in Florence for me to write about here.  It is truly a stunning city which I plan to visit many more times in the future and I still won’t scratch its surface.  Now, where did I put the guide book to plan my next trip?

What I'm Writing

So happy to see Maddy back after an eventful (and hopefully fun!) Easter break.

I've been doing ok with my writing. There is an on-going 'scary' story which is up to three episodes so far. I've also got two short story competitions to write for this month - one is a free form story so I need to think of a plotline; the other is inspired by my home town, Birmingham, and I've got a childhood  memory which I think I can mould into a half decent story.

I've also got a story stored on my hard drive which I want to re-read and revive. It's about two years since I last looked at it and I want to assess if it's worth saving or if its time has passed. I hope the former because I was rather fond of it when I started it.

Do pop across to read my scary story - I've got to work out what to do with poor Tom next. He's already been through a lot; should I torture him some more or give him a happy ending? Who knows!