Leaving My Comfort Zone - #bloganuary

 I have a confession to make: I don't like leaving my comfort zone. I used to be more 'adventurous' than I am now, I guess it's all to do with getting older. But as I got older I've suffered more from anxiety and if there's one thing you can be sure of with anxiety it's that it likes a comfort zone. I like to know where I am, what my surroundings are, what will happen. All things that are incompatible with being adventurous and leaving the old comfort zone.

I also recognise that this isn't always a healthy way to live but there it is. Given the choice, I'll say no, stay where I am and let others have all the adventures they can handle. But sometimes, I grab my courage by the hand and we step out, trembling a little but determined to have some new experiences. That's how it was the first time I went on a writing retreat.

Several years ago I was invited to go to a country house for a writing retreat. I knew a couple of the women through an online writing group but we'd never met in person. Before I knew what I was doing I'd said yes and paid. 

'No chance of backing out now but you will hate it.' Oh, that's the annoying voice in the back of my head. She'll pop up now and again, pouring cold water on everything.

And I didn't back out this time. I booked travel, packed my backpack and made arrangements. Onwards!

On the coach to London, everything was fine. I enjoyed the journey, dozed a bit and nearly found myself looking forward to a weekend away. Nearly...

As I crossed London the anxiety began to kick in again. 

'What are you doing? Strangers, you don't like meeting strangers. What if they don't like you? What if they laugh at your writing? Turn round, go back home.' Recognise her? Of course, the annoying little voice.

I caught the train to a town I'd never visited before. I met the wonderful woman who ran the retreat, was hugged and welcomed. I met other lovely women with fascinating stories to tell and we laughed and wrote and drank wine and it was all wonderful.

When I finally settled on the train back to London I felt warm, happy and fulfilled. I had met my tribe and it had been ok. And the annoying little voice had been quiet all weekend. My comfort zone had a new location: a country house with good food, good company and the chance to write and share. 

I've been back there many times and met new people on each visit. The journey sometimes fills me with anxiety - does anyone ever get used to the chaos that is London? - but I'm so glad I took that first tentative step outside my comfort zone. And it taught me not to listen to the annoying little voice all the time, even if she is very persistent.

A Road Trip I'd Like To Take - #bloganuary

I'm not sure I'm a Road Trip kind of girl but I've always been drawn to the idea of pilgrimage. I know that I'm nowhere near fit enough to undertake a long sustained walk but there's nothing to stop me dreaming, is there?

I watched a programme where celebrities walked the Santiago di Compostela pilgrimage route and the scenery was stunning. It was a rather long way and many of them suffered physically but I guess that's one of the points of a pilgrimage: to suffer for your faith. I'm not big on suffering so maybe a shorter, more manageable route would suit me.

Many moons ago I studied some of the Canterbury Tales. Don't quiz me on it, I've forgotten most of what I read but that seems like a more manageable pilgrimage for an old soul like me. A walk from London to Canterbury, stopping off at the odd inn... lovely. There's even a website to sort it all out for me. Plus lots of more local pilgrimages to get me started.

So my road trip is a traditional pilgrimage between sacred spaces, taken at a leisurely pace, maybe with a companion and lots of resting and sitting down at local inns. Bliss! 

Advice For My Teenage Self - #bloganuary

 Gosh, looking back at my teenage self has been quite the experience. I've remembered people who I haven't thought about for 40 years and the scary thing is I can picture most of them in their teenage 1970s guise. Here goes with the advice...

Be brave and believe in yourself. You're more capable than you know but you lack self confidence. Sure, you're good at faking it but when it comes right down to it you step aside and don't go there. Just step up to the plate, grab life by the lapels and strut your stuff. There's a star in there so let her out.

Don't worry about not being one of the popular kids. They're not actually having such a great time, it's all an illusion. You'll make friends who will be with you for life, friends who will lift you up and make you feel brilliant. None of them were the 'cool' kids at school, they were the genuine people who shared the good times and bad with you. So celebrate the normal kids who get you, they'll be there for ever.

Those popular girls, the ones with all the boyfriends and the stunning social life? They aren't having such a good time. They're being used and abused, taken advantage of and laughed at. They're damaged by those boys, they're damaged by their social lives, they're damaged by those experiences. Not something to aspire to so just be grateful that you miss out on the abuse.

Sometimes it's hard to know what the right thing to do is. Please have confidence in your judgement. If you want to do something, do it. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. It's your life not theirs. I'm not saying go out of your way to hurt other people but you worry too much about what other people will think or say that you risk missing out on some great experiences.

Most of all, stay true to yourself. You turn out ok and your life will be good. Good luck!

Oh, by the way, take more pictures - I'd love to have evidence of some of the dodgy hair styles and bizarre fashion choices.

Time For Takeoff?.

 Every now and then something comes along that knocks me off the path I was on and gives me a totally new perspective. Yesterday I had a moment like that and I thought I'd share it with you.

I am relatively new to podcasts. I don't listen to many and very few do I follow in what could be called a regular fashion. But during the course of a writing 'course' I have been taking online the author listed some interesting resources. One of these was the podcast of Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Big Magic. You can find a link to the podcast here Magic Lessons . I read Big Magic a few years ago and was struck by the way she promoted creativity and encouraged everyone to get on and live a creative life. Naturally, being me, I promptly did nothing about it and had almost forgotten about it until I found her podcast. As I tend to flit around and pick things at random without really following any pattern I decided to start at the beginning of the podcast and listen to episode one. What an eye opener. And let me tell you why.

In this episode Elizabeth Gilbert was talking to a young mother who wanted to write a non fiction book about living creatively when you have children and a home to take care of. She had done lots of research, taken lots of classes and planned in detail what she wanted to say. But she was stuck about how to get started. Elizabeth Gilbert then gave her the best advice I have heard in ages. She told her that all her work up until this point was taxiing on the runway! She had been preparing and building up to writing her book and now was the time to take-off, the time to fly, to write the book she wanted to write.

It made total sense to me and my situation. I am always looking for another book on writing, another course to take and I never get round to doing the writing. I am always preparing but never doing! And that's why the fragments I have are all on the laptop and not out in the world. And that's why I usually fail to finish anything. Not because I am lazy or blocked or procrastinating. Because I am taxiing and not taking off. I think that I need more preparation, more getting ready when the truth is I'll never 'be ready' unless I take off. I have to let the words go, let them fly.

It's scary, isn't it? Letting go of your babies, taking your hand off the wheel and seeing what happens. But it can be exciting too. I'm excited to see if I can finally stop taxiing and take-off, fly free as the writer I really want to be. So I'm going to try taking off, flying out there with my words and stories. And because I can't wait to see what happens I'm going to dip my toe into the self publishing world. Don't know how or where yet but I'll find a way.

Because I really want to fly now. Wind beneath my wings anyone?