Monday, 22 September 2014

I had a dream...


Don't worry, this isn't going to be a hippy, tree-hugging, lentil crunching post about dreams and
dream analysis.  I just had a dream last night that's made me feel sad and thoughtful in equal measures.

In my dream I was chairing a conference and everyone was talking about their children.  They were sharing the problems and challenges young people face in the 21st century.  One mother shared the difficulty their daughter had with school grades; a father told how difficult his son had found leaving home.  There were many similar tales.

Then I was asked about my experience.  People asked me questions about my son.  As I answered the questions the room gradually grew silent.  Then someone called out 'But you're the worst of all! You're a failed mother!'

And there you have it; I've failed as a mother. My son has found life very difficult; we've tried to help him but so far things haven't gone his way, for a variety of reasons.  We worry that he's depressed; he assures us that he isn't. We try to give advice; it's not well received.  Don't get the wrong impression; my son is an awesome person, talented, intelligent to the point of pain, funny, loving, crazy at times.  But I sometimes see a sadness in him that upsets me and I don't know how to help him realise his potential.  He has so much to offer but no idea how to offer it.  His interest is in language and I'd love to see him study and work in the field of linguistics but there doesn't seem to be a path open to him.  He's also into video games and computers but has no marketable experience.  So the difficulties/barriers remain.

So as a mother I'm a failure.  I'm tempted to make the old joke 'You had one job to do ...' but that just masks the hurt I feel.  How could I have got it so wrong?  What could I have done differently?

More importantly, what can I do now to make it right? 

1 comment:

  1. I bet if you asked your son he wouldn't say you were a failure! It's something I lose sleep about, and have similar dreams. When it comes to it though you know deep down that you are not a failed mother, you said yourself your son is intelligent and talented and many other things which are mostly down to you as his mother. To make it right? Just carry on, it's sounds like you are doing fine, listen and watch and enjoy while he's still at home x