Losing confidence in my novel

So what do you do when you start to lose confidence in your novel?
I got some good feedback when I went to my local writer's group but as well as pointing out a few things that I hadn't thought of it put some doubt in my mind about the whole direction the novel was taking. The more I think about it, the more I'm not sure how this novel should pan out and it's not the way I planned it.

So I'm now left with a stranded novel and no idea if I can finish it. If the plan isn't working anymore should I write a new plan? Or should I dump the whole thing? This is worse than writer's block, it's paralysing my thoughts rather than my writing.

I've got a small plan for something I want to write for NaNoWriMo and part of me just wants to plough on with that and forget the troublesome novel for a while. But that feels like defeatism and not the way a proper writer behaves. A proper writer would beat that darn novel into shape and make it submit to my powerful will. But I'm struggling to feel like a proper writer over this. I feel out of my depth, confused and troubled.

So I face a weekend of worrying about what to do and probably doing nothing but worry. I can't even bear to look at what I've written or the plan. That's how much I feel disconnected with this whole novel at the moment. Here's hoping some distance and deep thought will give me much needed perspective ... and maybe a bolt of lightening will strike and the solution will present itself.

The Prompt - Red

Today is the 50th anniversary of the disaster at Aberfan. I was a primary school pupil when this happened and the same age as some of the children who lost their lives that terrible day. It is sobering to think that all the experiences I have had, all the things I have done, all the life I have lived never happened for those young lives.

The prompt 'Red' reminded me of the red Welsh flag, the red shirts worn by Welsh sports stars, the red dragon which represents Wales around the world. So I decided to try a tribute to the people of Aberfan on this most difficult day.


Red

Another school day, classes settle to learn.
Teachers take registers and young voices answer,
'Here, Miss', 'Present' and 'Yma'.

Proud red dragon nation,
Celtic heritage, land of song
And poets, your life is about to change.

A rumble, a rush then darkness.
The blackness engulfs all
And the silence descends.

Blackness covers the red.
Light and hope extinguished,
Buried beneath the waste of your lifeblood industry.

Many rush to the school.
Hands grab at the spoil, digging, pulling,
Frantic rescue and a few are saved.

Red faces, flushed with effort.
Bodies found and hope is fading,
Black eclipses the red dragon's future.

Late morning and only the dead emerge.
One hundred and forty four souls lost,
Half of the children at Pantglas School dead.

Red flags at half mast.
The red dragon weeps as the horror unfolds,
A generation snatched away one Friday morning.

A young girl hears the horror in the Midlands.
The scale too large for her to comprehend,
Yet fifty years on I still remember my mother's tears.

Red roses and flags, tributes to those lost.
We remember those young lives lost,
The promise gone and many hearts broken.

To Plan or Not To Plan

I've signed up to do NaNoWriMo again this year and that's set me thinking about planning.

I've had a few goes at NaNo before but have yet to win. I've enjoyed the experience but have struggled to sustain the writing. This year I thought I'd be more organised and plan my novel properly before I started. However I've been struck down with some ill health and have left things hanging. I've managed to do a little planning - character types, basic idea for story, setting - but not a proper plan.

Now here's my dilemma. I have done a proper plan for a novel that is sitting on the hard drive. It stands at 18,000 words but is not feeling the love at the moment. Since I went to the writer's group and got some feedback I'm not sure that it's going the right way and I need to think it out. This means I'm wondering whether to plan my NaNo novel or 'pants' the thing. I'm quite happy to write this way so it holds no fear. I'll make my mind up at some stage but again this has got me thinking about whether I'm a planner or a pantser.

I know that there are positives on both sides. With a proper plan I know where my story is going and can write any part at any time. I can write the ending first if I want to - rebellious or what? But the novel with the plan is stalling and I'm not sure I believe in it anymore. If I write with no plan I feel freer and the story seems to flow. I can let the story develop as it wants to and I can change things as I go along.

So what should I do for NaNo? Do I force my tired cold-ridden brain to do a proper plan for the novel or do I just start writing on November 1st?

Sharing this on What I'm Writing

Word of the Week - Fluffy

After a week away I'm trying to get back into the swing of things and WOTW seemed like an appropriate place to start. Thinking of the word for the past week has forced me to sit down and assess where I am at the moment.

This week I have chosen 'Fluffy' as my word. Let me explain: we had a holiday in the sun, a last chance to warm our old bones before hunkering down for the colder months. It was a lovely week in a super resort and I think we both benefitted from the break (even if OH rushed around trying all the fitness classes on offer!) However on the day we went I was ill. Not just a cold but a proper viral collapse, involving passing out at various stages around Gatwick Airport! I was in and out of consciousness for two days and weak and tired for another two - great way to spend the majority of a 7 day holiday! It was ok as I got to sit quietly and read which is one of the main points of a holiday, even if I didn't get to lie in the sun this time around so have very little in the way of a tan.

How does that involve the 'Fluffy' that I have chosen to sum up my week? Well, since we got back I've struggled to get back into the swing of things. My whole brain has felt as if it is made of fluff and my thinking has been fluffy too. The fact that a cold has popped up this morning might explain what is happening - I'm not sure I'm totally over the whatever-it-was I had and the fluffy feeling that has plagued me all week. I've not even managed to get started on a new book, that's how off centre I am!

So here's to clearing the fluff next week, getting back to some sort of routine and feeling more like myself again.