Difficult Times

I have thought long and hard about whether to write this post. Things are so difficult at the moment and I'm no sure that I have anything useful or insightful to add. But there is no denying that things are strange and worrying so I decided to share a few observations here. 

I have no special insight, it goes without saying. I'm an average citizen trying to get on with things in the face of everything. I am coping, as we all are, but I am not thriving. I don't suppose many of us are. Things seem to change on a daily basis and we are all struggling to know what to do or who to believe.

I am in a fortunate position compared to many. My loved ones are well, looking after themselves and staying strong. I have no close elderly relatives to fret about. In fact, my OH and I probably are the elderly relatives! But I am aware all the time that others are worried and frightened about their loved ones and I feel great compassion for my friends who are suffering. These are difficult times for all of us.

I am also fortunate that I have no school age children whose education is being disrupted, who are worried about exams, who are worried about friends and family and looking to me for reassurance.  My OH is working from home and we are safe and well. Fingers crossed it stays that way but as we are all generally healthy we hope that if we do get ill it will be mild and over quickly. I am thinking all the time about friends who are not so fortunate, who are feeling stressed at the moment and may not be managing as well as we are.

However, I do feel the stress, the anxiety and the worry. It's so hard to step away from the rolling news of doom being played out on screens everywhere. I feel the strain on my mental health building and am mindful of the need to step away, to breathe, to refocus. I am choosing to stay at home, to isolate myself from others despite not being ill. I might be contagious and not know it so it seems like a wise thing to do. But if this goes on for a long time I can see it having a negative effect on us all. We are social animals, we need face to face interaction with others and not just through screens. I am grateful for the technology that allows us to connect while we isolate but I look forward to coffee with a friend and a good gossip, to laughing and hugging again.

We are all making sacrifices at this time. It may get worse before it gets better and that is sobering. How long we will have to live isolated lives is uncertain and for many that is another source of stress. Plans are being cancelled and lives put on hold. 

But there is light even here. I have been struck by the blossoming of creativity from many.  People sharing stories, drawing classes online, virtual choirs, old favourite TV shows popping up on iPlayer. There is so much goodness, kindness, loveliness emerging it gives me hope. I hope that we don't lose it when things go back to 'normal'. Do we even want the old normal back? I'm not sure I do. stepping away from the madness should give us time to decide what is important in life, what we really need to thrive. This could be the time to re-evaluate. I do hope so.

So, a few thoughts. My two penn'orth. I wish all my friends good mental and physical health. Keep those you love safe and cherish them. We are learning that life can be fragile. The things that matter are the people we love, our health and well being. You can't buy them but it is easy to take them for granted. Let's relearn how to value each other. Let's weather this storm and come through it more whole, more mindful and more considerate than we entered it. 

The Shock of Success

One of the things that is so strange about being a writer is how solitary it can be. You sit in a room at a laptop or huddled over a notebook, creating characters, making up stories and plotting them out. You spend hours, days, weeks, months, even years getting things written and polished until you are happy with the result. The brave among us then find a potential home for our work and if we're lucky we get the work out into the world and it finds some readers. For the rest of us, the work sits on the hard drive or in our notebook, unread and unseen. Most of the time I am the latter, a secret horder of work which no-one ever sees.

But I do love a Twitter writing competition. So I often compose something in response to a Twitter prompt and let it loose, never expecting anything more than a few kind comments and a couple of likes. So imagine my shock when this week I took part in a prompt set by Curtis Brown and I won! I was so stunned that at one point I was nearly reduced to tears. That something I had written and touched people and been deemed to be the best was so amazing to me. Not just anybody either, these were industry professionals, people who know what they're talking about! In life I've got so used to not coming top in anything that I don't quite know how to process what happened. I am obviously delighted and have found it hard to keep the smile off my face all weekend. And to add to the loveliness there is a prize of a place on one of Curtis Brown's wonderful writing courses. I'm still deciding which one to take but what a lovely dilemma to have. 

I have been thinking about my reaction to the success of my little Twitter tale. As someone who has never risen to the top I was so surprised I had to check several times that I hadn't misread the tweet. I found it hard to speak. In fact I had to show my family the tweet as I found it hard to articulate what had happened. Why should I be surprised at my success? Well, as I've said, it's not something that I'm used to. I'm Mrs Average, middle of the pack, one of the crowd. And that's ok, I'm happy with that. But it did get me thinking. What if I were to somehow achieve some degree of success with my writing? How would that feel? How would I feel? 

I don't have any answers. I hope that in the future I will get to feel like this again, it's quite intoxicating. Maybe after the writing course, when I can decide which one to take, I'll have something that will find some success and I can get used to this wonderful feeling of success.